


All gigs not involving David Mitchell should be disallowed.

by emef



Category: British Comedy RPF
Genre: M/M, Pining, ridiculous overthinking tailspins
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-26
Updated: 2013-04-26
Packaged: 2017-12-09 13:45:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/774889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emef/pseuds/emef
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><em>You know what would be really disturbing</em>, Charlie thinks, <em>if I accidentally willed myself into all of David's projects just by thinking too hard about him</em>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All gigs not involving David Mitchell should be disallowed.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to marginaliana for beta <3

David is far too perceptive not to have seen the look in Charlie's eyes, and Charlie is not so blind to reality as to avoid noticing David's attraction. People like them know that the other knows. Confused fumbling crushes are like a game of chess, it's like thinking three moves ahead when the other person has thought of those moves also. Except instead of chess it is calvinball, because they're damaged idiots instead of masters of seduction.

Which is what attracts Charlie to David in the first place, which... What does that even say about him? Should he be worried about his sanity? Should he be looking for someone reasonable and not-damaged, someone who won't overthink things and snap him out of it when _he_ starts overthinking things? God that sounds soothing. Imagine being with someone who somehow knows how to _not_ go into overthinking tailspins.

Has David thought about this? Probably. Maybe it is worrying him. Maybe he is concerned that Charlie will decide to be reasonable and not get involved with someone who is damaged and confused. Maybe he is thinking "right, if I hadn't cultivated and developed this ridiculous persona I could have developed my inner normal person and wooed Charlie on the basis of my being an inherently sensible choice of life partner. Instead here I am with no zombie apocalypse skills and no idea how to market myself as a plausible mate." Just like Charlie is thinking, really.

His problem, Charlie realizes, is that he can't think of a good argument for getting involved _now_ rather than at another time. Or ever, for that matter. If he could just think of a good opening gambit. But he can't. How do you say "I kind of want to see you all the time and be with you every day and it has only just occurred to me that I was waiting for that to be done for me by the BBC or other, which now I'm thinking is inefficient and also what if someone else tries to be with you every day in the meantime?" You can't just text that to someone. Well. Probably you can't. Charlie doesn't want to try.

Bloody emotions. He's supposed to be working, but his bloody brain keeps getting in the way. Which is ironic when you think that his work was how he met David in the first place. Not that David would be involved in an episode of Screenwipe. Well. Unless he was the subject. He won't be now, though, and anyway Charlie is supposed to be reviewing... Charlie digs out the list emailed to him... Misfits. David would probably never watch Misfits. David probably only watches Morse over and over. Peevishly, Charlie thinks that David probably won't even watch this Screenwipe. So what's the point? There is none. All gigs not involving David should be disallowed. _Brilliant_ , Charlie thinks. _I have turned into a 14-year-old with a crush_.

Sulking, Charlie digs out his notepad and the stack of dvds.

Misfits turns out to involve some sort of X-Men/Spiderman scenario where lots of people find themselves with special abilities, except it's because of a freak storm, rather than evolution, and there is more comic relief. Also many of the abilities are crap. One character has the ability to move milk. Milk! As opposed to something sensible, like whiskey or Nandos.

The show isn't bad, and Charlie works through half a dozen hours of it without losing interest. In a television-induced haze, he writes a decent rant for the show, starting with disparaging thoughts about the scene-chewing Robert Sheehan character, and ending with ideas for unfortunate superpowers. Like the power to turn any image on the internet into a picture of a cat. Or the power to know where Katie Price is at any moment. _Ugh_ , Charlie thinks, _I wish I had the power to make this column funny_.

Charlie's last thought before passing out is _David would know how to make this column funny. All gigs not involving David really should be disallowed._

*

The phone wakes him around lunchtime. "We need a fill-in for Would I Lie to You. Cancellation. Can you make it for 4 o'clock?"

Not awake and half-delirious, Charlie just manages to croak out a "yes". Fortunately they've hung up rather than ask him more questions, requiring more words. Christ. He wouldn't be able to remember his middle name at the moment, let alone his contact details and potential scheduling conflicts. _What time is it?_

He showers, and then starts season 2 of Misfits while he drinks some coffee. Robert Sheehan's character is still being obnoxious, but it's not so bad as long as there's other characters playing off it. It's cute. It's... wait a minute.

Did he just wake up to a gig with David? Did that just happen? Charlie thinks. Was there a storm last night? There probably wasn't. It would have woken him. _You know what would be really disturbing_ , Charlie thinks, _if I accidentally willed myself into all of David's projects just by thinking too hard about him._.

It dawns on Charlie that he will be seeing David soon. That they'll be on a set together. And David will look at him as though no one else is there and Lee will roll his eyes at him because - well actually Charlie doesn't know why Lee rolls his eyes at him, but it probably has something to do with David. Fuck a donkey. Charlie's been thinking of doing another gig with David for so long. And it actually happened. And maybe he has a superpower. Probably not. Maybe.

Charlie remembers the moment he realized he wanted to get into David's pants. He was in a car, being driven home after a gig, thinking about how he'd gotten used to seeing David all the time and that he wanted to be close to him, wanted to know what was under David's clothes but it wasn't... it wasn't about getting off, it was because he wanted to know what David was like when he got off. What he smelled like, what colour his thighs were. Did his face flush when he was aroused? He wanted to put his hands on David's shoulders and run them all the way down his back, to somehow make sure David felt cared-for, because Charlie cared for him and... _Why am I thinking about this?_ Charlie thinks, snapping out of it

_Oh god. I really have gotten myself an idiotic superpower. Because I'm a creepy pervert who can't stop thinking of David Mitchell's luscious body _.__

__Horrified, Charlie sets off for the studio._ _

__*_ _

__Charlie doesn't even understand how David has ended up on his couch, right now. He knows all the steps that led to this point - he remembers chatting in the dressing rooms. He remembers talking about Conan the Barbarian. He remembers David laughing at his description of Arnold Schwarzenegger's muscles. He remembers David saying he'd like to see it. He remembers remembering that he had a copy, and exclaiming "I have a copy! Somewhere." and David answering "brilliant - you live in Hammersmith, right?" like it was a totally normal segue. He just doesn't understand how this is actually happening._ _

__They've fallen asleep halfway through the movie, David's head lolling towards Charlie's shoulder, Charlie head turned the other way. When he drifts awake, the credits are rolling, and Charlie can hear David's even breathing, his little sleepy sounds, peaceful. Charlie turns and, heart hammering, dips his head to smell David's hair._ _

__At the same moment, David jerks awake, and snaps his head back. "JESUS CHRIST!" Charlie bellows, as their heads collide._ _

__If he had any kind of wish-fulfilment superpower, this would definitely not be happening. Not that Charlie feels relieved to know this. "Bloody hell, Charlie, are you alright?" David exclaims, disappearing into the kitchen to get ice. He comes back with whiskey and aspirin, and they both take some, cradling their heads._ _

__The pain dulls quickly, and Charlie settles down enough to ask David if he hurt him. When David turns out to be fine, Charlie feels relieved for about 4 seconds, until David turns around, looks up at Charlie and, heavily, asks "Charlie, a moment ago: what were you doing?"_ _

__Yielding to the absurdity of the situation, shaking, Charlie answers: "Smelling your hair."_ _

__At which point David lunges._ _

__*_ _

__Later:_ _

__"You thought you had a superpower?" David says, incredulous._ _

"We can't all be paragons of reason like you, _David_ ". 


End file.
